Warriors: A Pain Worse Than Death
by Fadedpawsteps
Summary: A dark cloud hangs over Thunderclan and Starclan cannot see their fate. For one cat her life is about to take a plunge. Leafpool is left feeling like it's all her fault as she carries her secret with her, that she can't tell, not even to Crowfeather...
1. Chapter 1: Miserable

**Disclaimer : I am not Erin Hunter. Please don't sue me!**

* * *

She felt so sad and miserable. She should've run away tomorrow. That would make everything alright. Cinderpelt would be alive and I would be able to go with Crowfeather. The hole inside her widened at the thought of him. Just his name gave her butterflies in her stomach. _No more_ a voice inside her said _you're a medicine cat. You always knew it plus he's a warrior from another clan. You can never be together and that's that. You have to keep thunderclan safe. It's you're duty, you're job._

Squirrelflight approached, obviously going careful not to disturb her too much. "Leafpool are you o-"

"I'm fine" Leafpool cut her off. No other cat could share her misery nor would she wish it upon them. "I have to help the injured." Noticing a sad look in Squirrelflight's eye's she added "I'm sorry" Then nodded to Brambleclaw who was waiting to talk to Squirrelflight._ They made up. And I can never go back to that. Oh how I want to!_

Leafpool saw some bodies in the center of the clearing. Cinderpelt among them. _How can I live without Cinderpelt, and Crowfeather!?_ Leafpool bent over Rainwhisker who was lying ominously still. She licked his flank soothing the long cut on his side. She flicked her tail to Brightheart.

"You know the medicine cat's den inside out could you fetch me some...some Marigold, Cobwebs and Burdock root. This bite is infected." she asked. Now she understood how Brightheart felt. Alone.

"Are-are you sure?" Brightheart stammered

"Of course I'm sure" Leafpool meowed. Her voice was tight as if she was keeping it under control to prevent herself from yowling with loss. "Plus you're not that hurt"

Brightheart nodded and raced off to fetch what she had mentioned. Soon all the cats who were badly injured were sitting up enjoying some fresh kill. But Birchpaw had sprained his paw and wouldn't be training for a while.

Whan everyone was happy she retreatedt to Cinde--No her den. The moss still had Cinderpelts scent on it. Leafpool wanted to yowl out and never stop. She felt so exposed without Cinderpelt and now she could never see Crowfeather. From what had just happened she'd never be allwoed out of camp on her own again. She curled up with Cinderpelt's scent around her. So comforting, like a mother's gentle soothing licks. But she couldn't sleep she just stared into nothingness. Tired and Miserable. Like she'd be for the rest of her days.


	2. Chapter 2: A friend?

Crowfeather trudged wearily on across hills towards the Windclan camp, behind a fighting strength patrol. He was on his way back from Thunderclan after the badger attack where too many lives had been lost. But these losses were nothing in comparison with losing Leafpool. He had lost Feathertail, but he knew where she was. He could see her anytime he wanted, just dream. But Leafpool could never be recovered. She was so close, close enough to feel her soft breath on his cheek, yet so far away. Further than anything ever could be. Suddenly he felt lost. _Why did we have to come back?! _He'd said these words before.

_"If we didn't come back Feathertail wouldn't be dead! Why did we have to come back?!"_

_"And Sharptooth would still be killing the tribe, she died a warriors death."_

_"It's all my fault. If I had refused she'd wouldn't have gone!"_

Crowfeather cursed himself._ I am not meant for love_ he told himelf. _Never again. Never she her again. Never feel her again. If I cannot be with them, I cannot be with anyone. _

"Crowfeather you traitor, hurry up" Onestar growled

"He doesn't mean it that harshly" Nightcloud assured him. Rubbing her face along his.

Crowfeather jerked away. _No!_ He thought and quickened his pace. Soon they arrived at the camp. All eyes fixed on him. Acussing, questioning, hostile eyes. He knew Onestar would demand an explanation, and, probably in front of the clan. He sighed. Would this place ever feel like home again. All he could see was memories. Lying next to Leafpool as she slept. Her breathing, rythmically as he licked her ears. Her eyes as she woke up, clear amber pools of beauty. He missed everything about her. Her soft footsteps, sweet voice, the way his heart skipped a beat when he saw her. _How can I go on without you!?_ He wanted to howl.

Onestar leapt up onto the stump in the center of the clearing. There was no need for him to call cats to him. Every cat was already sitting down. Crowfeather felt eyes, hot, glaring eyes burning into him.

"Crowfeather, what have you got to say for yourself? You risked our friendship with Thunderclan running away. We all thought you'd gone to join them. And now we find out..." He paused dramatically to make sure he had everyones attention "Then we find out you ran away...with a medicine cat!"

Shocked gasps wove their way through the clearing. Obviously not every cat had been told about this.

"I loved her, and she loved me." He meowed simply.

Onestar twiched his tail in annoyance "Crowfeather from now on you are not to go anywhere without at least two warriors present. You will make sure everyone else is full fed before you take some prey, and untill we are all satisfied that your loyalties lie with us, you are not allowed to mentor an apprentice."

Crowfeather thought that was unfair. _Am I to be punished for loving and losing. Surely i've suffered enough! _But he just dipped his head.

He backed into the warriors den. He didn't want to be anywhere else. He felt so downhearted. Suddenly he felt someone sharing tounges with him. Soothing him. He turned who would want to share tounges with him?! He saw Nightclouds eyes staring straight back at him. Not accusing, not hostile, but friendly. He closed his eyes enjoying her closeness. At least someone was nice. He licked her ears in gratitude. Then both of them fell fast asleep.


	3. Chapter 3: You are never alone

Leafpool dreamed. She was standing in a dark forest. The forest was silent. Then she felt a pelt brush hers and a familiar scent washed over her.

"Spottedleaf, It's all my fault. I'm sorry I'm so sorry" Leafpool wailed

"Hush" Spottedleaf whispered "I am not here to blame you. I am here to show you something"

Leafpool pricked her ears. Inspite of her misery, she was interested. "What?"

"This" Spottedleaf said flicking her tail towards the trees "Is the forest of truth. When you are here you may seek out one truth. Ask the trees a question, they will answer. It will come in handy for you, Leafpool" and with that Spottedleaf faded.

"Wait. Spottedleaf! What do you mean, ask the trees?" but she was already alone. "Ok so I'm alone here"

A scent washed over her but no pelt came. "You are never alone" whispered a voice.

* * *

Leafpool woke up. She was lying sprawled in her nest. All around her the camp bustled, awake and getting on with the day. But Leafpool wasn't moving, she felt too tired, too miserable. _Oh Crowfeather _she wailed inside _How can I not think of you, when I cannot control my dreams, and dream I do! _She was the camps least favorite cat. A traitor, who broke the warrior code. _How can I go on without you, Crowfeather, my love who I can never see again and Cinderpelt, my mentor who is dead because of me!_

"Leafpool" Her fathers voice carried through the bramblesshielding her den. "Leafpool you need to check on Sorreltail. One of her kits won't suckle"

He strolled in and saw her in her nest. A sorowful look crossed his face. "Come on Leafpool your clan needs you"

"No they don't. You all probably think I'm a traitor. I broke the warrior code. Nobody wants to see me" Leafpool mewed quietly

"No we don't! That's the most mousebrained thing I've heard! You are not, listen to me Not a traitor because, inspite the hurt it caused you, you came back to your clan. That shows the most deepest loyalty any cat ever had." Firestar meowed. He leaned in and licked her ears, in long comforting motions. She started to purr. "Now what do you think about making sure your best friend is ok? Yeah?"

"Ok," she sighed. She was feeling better, but all her hurt, all her guilt, was still there underneath. She padded out of her den and down a small inclinment to the nursery. As soon as she stepped in a sense of security over came her. _Never _said the small voice inside her. _Never have kits. You are not allowed to._ She sighed and padded across to Sorreltail.

"Sorreltail" She touched the queen lightly on her shoulder "are you ok?"

"Yes I'm fine. A bit tired but fine. It's this one I'm worried about." She stroked a small, golden kit softly with her tail. "She won't suckle"

"Now let's see what I can do for you" Leafpool leant over and got to work. Neatly licking the kit, sniffing it for signs of illness or injuries. The kit squealed as she licked its leg. She burrowed into It's long fur and found a splinter. "Aha" she kept licking untill the end of the splinter was clearly visable the pulled. It came smoothly out followed by a small spurt of blood, but the kit seemed happy.

"Thank you Leafpool" Sorreltail touched her nose as the kit began to knead her belly.

"No problem" Leafpool sighed feeling down again.

She bent out of the nursery. She saw her sister pad over to her.

"Do you feel like going hunting. With Brambleclaw and me?" She asked

They made up! Leafpool wondered if she'd be intruding on their space. "If you don't mind" Leafpool meowed

"Of course I don't" she touched her sisters nose "I'll go get Brambleclaw"


	4. Chapter 4: Should I move on?

Crowfeather woke to find a soft lump of fur beside him. _Leafpool! I didn't lose you! _But when he turned his head he saw... Nightcloud. He had been really messed up last night. He hadn't been thinking straight. Nightcloud awoke beside him and looked him in the eyes. There was a look in her eyes, not sympathy something, more. He shook his head to clear it. Last night had been an exception. Never again. If StarClan wouldn't let him be with Leafpool or Feathertail then he could be with no one.

He got up wearily and streched. The weak morning sunshine seemed to put into perspective how dull is life was now. Onestar marched up to him and ordered him to go on patrol with Ashfoot, Nightcloud and Webfoot. He had no choice but to go, he was a low rank in his clan. He got no say in anything. There was a gathering soon, but he knew he wouldn't be allowed to go.

The patrol trudged up a hill and along the Thunderclan border, remarking scents and catching prey. Crowfeather noticed that Webfoot was glaring at him then at Thunderclan territory to check if he was watching something. Ashfoot, his mother gave him a sorrowful look as if she knew how bad he must be feeling. Nightcloud gazed softly at him, but at every noise from the Thunderclan side she bristled. Even Crowfeather himself felt uneasy.

Crowfeather _had_ to impress his Clan mates so he had to hunt _well. _He dropped into a hunters crouch and swiftly killed a thrush. He knew prey wouldn't be hard to catch coming so close to newleaf. Still the damp colours around him reflected his dank misery. No bright blooms were in sight now. By the time they returned to camp he had caught a thrush, two mice, a blackbird and a plump vole. He was proud of himself and made sure Onestar was watching him as he carried his prey into camp and dropped it on the pile.

Onestar made his way over to him "You caught a lot" He nodded "I think you can have something to eat"

Crowfeather nodded and turned away but Onestar called him back with his tail.

"Look I'm sorry for being so harsh. I don't know how bad you must feel losing such an important part of your life. But you have to understand that you could never have been together."

"Thank you Onestar can I just go please" Crowfeather pleaded

"Fine. Oh and Crowfeather" He said "Nightcloud, she's a good second choice"

"No I'm not, I don't" Crowfeather struggled to find the right words.

"It's ok you're allowed to love twice in one life time" Onestar meowed as he walked away

_Yeah, but three times? I don't even_ _love her. Leafpool is the only one I want to be with...but I can't. _At that point Nightcloud padded over to him and sat down next to him. They ate together and shared tougnes in the dying twilight. But when he shared tounges with Nightcloud it wasn't like when he had shared tounges with Leafpool. With Leafpool it was tender, there was a conection. With Leafpool thunder played between their fur, crackling with love. With Leafpool twilight felt warm and her eyes always sparkled.

With Nightcloud it was more like pity. No thunder thrilled him with Nightcloud, no crackling. No warmth. Everything was black and white with Nightcloud, even her fur. It was as if Nightcloud was certian thay'd be together. With her it was like she thought she was doing him a favour. He felt nothing special with Nightcloud and her eyes were just plain.

He lay there for ages with Nightcloud. Absently thinking, longing for Leafpool. His heart ached so much for her soft, beautiful fur to brush against his. Her gentle amber eyes to sooth him. Her sweet herb-like scent to fill his nostrils. Her voice to wash over him in cool waves. He longed for the thunder to ripple between them, as static as electricity. Nightcloud sensing what he was thinking about meowed:

" Don't brood too much over her. She choose her clan over you." Nightcloud eyes were caring "I'll always be here for you. With me, your not against the warrior code."

Crowfeather merley blinked. He didn't care anymore. He was so tired. So, so tired. He got up and padded into the warriors den, and lay down. Nightcloud settled beside him, grooming his ears. He forced himself to purr as he fell asleep. Falling, falling into the blackness.


	5. Chapter 5: Sorry

Leafpool crouched low about to pounce on the mouse that was just snuffling in the leaves at the base of an oak infront of her. Then a Bird chirped and she jumped high into the air. The mouse darted off into the undergrowth and Leafpool fell to the ground, gasping her heart thumping so loud that she was certin Mothwing, on the other side of the lake, would hear it.

Squirrelflight darted out of the bushes and was by Leafpool's side staring at her. "Leafpool!" she called frantically "Leafpool are you ok?"

Leafpool stared, wide-eyed at her sister and meowed. "Nothing, I'm ok I'm just a bit dizzy" She sat up and felt like her heart would pour out her throat. She felt faint, she needed a drink.

"Are you sure, you've been so jumpy since the badger attack!" Squirrelflight protested

"I suppose I'm just scared they'll come back" Leafpool mewed

Squirrelflightgave her a 'really' look but didn't press the issue further."I think" She began "I think I'm expecting kits"

Leafpool stared at her. _Of course! I should've noticed! _"Thats great! Are they-"

"Brambleclaws" Squirrelflight finished "Yes. Don't worry they're not Ashfur's" Squirrelflight looked so excited and happy. "This is just what me and Brambleclaw need. We are officially together now."

"You were officially together since you went to see Midnight." Leafpool pointed out.

"No we were not. He hated me when we arrived at the lake."

"He still loved you. And he wasn't totally to blame for that. You know as well as I do that you both pushed the argument." Leafpool shook her head. This didn't matter. They were back together and Squirrelflight was going to have kits. It was exactly what they needed.

Squirrelflight looked ready to fight back but, Brambleclaw was pushing his way through a holly bush with a sparrow and a mouse in his jaws.

"Hey" Brambleclaw nodded to Leafpool. He padded up to Squirrelflight's side and pushed his nose affectionatly into his mates fur.

"I best be getting back to camp. It's getting dark and Sorreltail's kits will need checking before they sleep." Leafpool blinked at Squirrelflight then dissapered into the dense undergrowth, leaving the two to talk together.

Leafpool padded into the camp. She had stopped off at the abandoned Twoleg place on her way back and got some catnip. She hoped she wouldn't need it but Sorreltail's kits were still very young and it was still very cold.

She placed the herbs away in one of the nooks in the cave wall and returned to the clearing. Ferncloud and Dustpelt were eating together purring as Birchpaw and Whitepaw grappled with each other. Cloudtail was gently licking Brighthearts face in long, soothing motions. Firestar and Sandstorm were pressed close together, gazing around the camp. Sorreltail was streching outside the nursery, and Brackenfur pushed his way out to rub his fur with hers, then they dissapered back into the nursery to their kits. Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw entered the camp with tails held high and loads of fresh kill. Once they had dropped their fresh kill off the sat down and gazed lovingly at each other. It seemed everyone was allowed to love except her. Her eyes watered and her heart felt like it had been trodden on.

"Why StarClan" she whispered quietly "Must you punish me so. Why is your way so harsh."

She didn't feel like eating. She didn't feel like moving but she had to. She had to live this life, doing as she was told to, her duty. But she loved Crowfeather so much. He was her sun rising in the morning and her Moon giving light to the darkness. Without him her days were grey and cloudy. Without him her nights were pitch black.

"How're you're kits Sorreltail?" Leafpool asked trying to sound ok.

"They're perfect thanks Leafpool." Sorreltails eyes were full of love, she didn't take her eyes off of her kits.

Leafpool bent down and sniffed them. They smelt ok. Then she licked Sorreltail's ear and stood up. Sorreltail turned her gaze to Leafpool. Her eyes were filled with sorrow, and understanding. Leafpool turned away. She couldn't bear to look at her own pain reflected, but only a fraction of it, in her best friends eyes. Before she could move Sorreltail placed a paw on hers and c mewed "I'm sorry Leafpool, I can only imagine how you're feeling"

"I'm sorry too_" _


	6. Chapter 6: I Have To Talk To You

Crowfeather awoke as a thin line of light appeared on the horison, a slash of red like a claw searing, causing the sky to bleed. He watched as the light spread, like blood staining the grass aroung its victim. A screen of brambles protected him from the awakening camp, and all it's secrets. His heart longed to be somewhere in the distance, runing through trees, springy moss underpaw, electricity pulsing between him and Leafpool as they raced, fur brushing, laughing.

But the laughter was lost. The electricity set lose. And Leafpool...She was gone. Instead he thought of his growing relationship with Nightcloud, _Can this relationship really be love after what I had with Leafpool?_ Somehow he didn't think so. These thoughts disturbed him. How can I be loyal if I still think of Leafpool. So he pushed his thoughts of her to the back of his mind and concentrated on Nightcloud's pro's. _Well, she's in my clan and I can be loyal to my clan when I'm with her. If I'm with her my clan might retrust me. _He couldn't think of anymore.

He streched, flexing each claw individually, mouth opening in an enormous yawn. Nightcloud stirred beside him, whiskas twitching as she pushed her muzzel into his flank. They sat there for a while, grooming each other carefully. Then Crowfeather stood up and ducked under a screen of brambles, closely followed by Nightcloud. The morning sun had only just risen and the air was still crisp. He could see each breath he took, rising out in a cloud of swirling white.

"Hey, um Crowfeather do you wanna go hunting together, just me and you. I have to tell you something." Nightcloud meowed, still yawning.

"Um yeh sure!" Crowfeather replied as they padded out of the camp "What do you need to tell me?"

"Not here come on lets go somewhere more private!" Nightcloud insisted

They walked together side by side fur just brushing. The lsky was now light, but the sun still low. Heather swayed around them as they padded towards the small strech of woodland near the Thunderclan border. Trees now covered over them, saving their eyes from the brightness of the sun. Nightcloud sat down next to a holly bush and curled her tail over her paws, she flicked her ears for Crowfeather to sit down. He sat staring at her with questioning eyes.

"Crowfeather..." she began.

"Yes" he breathed.

"I-I'm going to have kits. Yours I think."

"Wow- um" Crowfeather didn't know what to do or say he knew he should feel overjoyed but his heart was screaming_ Leafpool, why couldn't these kits be yours! We were supposed to be together forever and live our love fully. No we are torn apart because of StarClan. Why is their way so difficult!_ So he padded forwards, forcing himself to purr pushing his nose into her fur and grooming her ear.

After what seemed like hours, or maybe even moons Nightcloud pulled away meowing "If we want to get some hunting done we better get going, we'll catch more if we split up."

Crowfeather narrowed his eyes was she trying to get rid of him? "Will you be okay on your own?"

"Of course I will what do you take me for, a feeble leaf?!" Nightcloud meowed as she padded away.

The words stung Crowfeather like a badgers claw. _Leaf...Oh Leafpool._ He got up and slipped under a nearby bush. Memories flooded over him when he poked his head out of the other side and saw the gurgling river. This was where he used to hide when he waited for Leafpool. He looked to his left and surely enough embeded in the bark of the tree next to him were long scratch marks where he had sharpened his claws in anticipation. As if on que a beautiful, young light tabby padded out of the trees on the other side of the river, looking cautiously around with round attractive eyes. Then to his great suprise, she splashed into the river flicking her tail as she pulled her self out on the otherside shaking, pearly drops of water out of her fur, sending them spinning in all directions.

"Crowfeather!" she hissed as she slipped into the bush next to him. "I have to talk to you!"


	7. Chapter 7: Falling Apart

Leafpool looked into Crowfeather's eyes. She felt as if she was melting under his gaze, her love for him welled up inside her and she felt like if she moved it would overflow, spilling into the lake. Amber eyes met amber eyes and strings of starlight connected them in dancing, swirling chains. Her fur stood on end at the bolt of feeling that ran through her.

"Leafpool... You shouldn't be here. We're over. There is nothing we can talk about." Crowfeather looked as if he was forcing himself to say these words yet longing to push his muzzel against hers.

"Yes there is Crowfeather. There is so much to talk about-" Leafpool knew she had to tell him now. She bit her lip in a desperate attempt to comtrol the way it quivered with fright. But before she could work up the courage to say anything a loud yowl broke in on them.

"Crowfeather what are you doing!" Nightcloud was pelting down the slope, her fur ruffled tail straight out behind her.

"It wasn't me I-" Crowfeather began but Nightcloud interuppted

"I know, don't worry I know. I'm not blaming you I'm blaming this worthless, disloyal, half kittypet excuse for a medicine cat!" Nightcloud raged her eyes burning with hatred for Leafpool. It burnt into her making her legs quiver. She hated the idea of someone not liking her, and she felt very hurt to be called such terrible names.

"I am not disloyal! I-" Leafpool wailed. Nightcloud was echoing her own thoughts.

"Oh yes you are!" Nightcloud yowled "You are the reason Crowfeather is distrusted. You are the reason he broke the warrior code. You caused Crowfeather to be a low rank in his clan. He was a high rank before he met you. And you stole all hopes of him becoming deputy from him when your eyes met. It's all your fault, if you didn't tell him to go away with you he woul be okay!"

"Thats enough Nightcloud!" Crowfeather bellowed.

Leafpool started to shake. Was Nightcloud really right. Guilt flooded her, so much she thought she would collapse again. She felt quesy, ill her head span. She thought she might through up. How could she tell Crowfeather now? How could she even let him know?

"No it's not!" Nightcloud fired up again "He's not with you anymore Leafpool. He doesn't love you! He loves me! When he's with me he's not risking his trust! We're having kits together now, and that is that!"

Leafpool looked at Crowfeather, and he looked away. "Crowfeather... Oh Crowfeather is that true?"

Nightcloud looked rather pleased with herself and Crowfeather shifted uncomfortably. "Yes- But Leafpool-" Crowfeather pleaded

" So soon. No you're right Crowfeather. We're over, and there is nothing I can say to you. Ever again. As Nightcloud said, you're with her not me. However much that hurts I have to accept that you've moved on."

She didn't wait to see what Crowfeather did. She didn't care anymore. How could he find another mate so soon. _Is this how you felt Feathertail? I'm so sorry for the hurt I have caused you._ She felt sick. Crowfeather didn't love her anymore. He didn't even feel anything for her. His loyalty was to one set of his unborn kits. His unborn kits that wouldn't be consisdered 'bad blood'. His kits that he would know and love, like he loves Nightcloud. Leafpool slumped down in her nest, the scent of herbs all around her. She felt wretched, and ever so guilty for what she caused Crowfeather. She gazed down at her belly. What was she going to do now. How could she go undiscovered? How could she mother the second set of Crowfeathers kits? Especially when he had no clue he had these kits!


	8. Chapter 8: Wonders

Crowfeather padded out of the stretch of trees and onto the moorland. Nightcloud was bristling beside him, he couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Why did you stop her talking. Why did you put her down like that you piece of fox dung!" Crowfeather yowled voice cracked with emotion. How could it be? He thought he was with Nightcloud but now...He knew he was still in love with Leafpool.

Nightcloud rounded on him, eyes blazing she yowled "What do you think she was going to tell you huh? Something for Barkface to look out for. I don't think so. She was trying to get back with you and you're mine now. I'm with you and she hurt you. I always hated her and she got what she deserves. A lifetime of unhappiness!"

"How could you wish that upon anyone. I hate you Nightcloud!" Crowfeather growled unsheathing his claws. He would give anything to rip her ears off now. He hated her. He hated her and anyone else who was in the way of him and Leafpool being together. "She could've wanted to tell me something important!"

She reflected him unseathing her claws and growled "How could you even think of her when we're having kits together?!"

His rage burnt up inside him, like a fire, ripping through him, yearning to explode. All he wanted was to get out of here. He didn't want to hurt anyone. But how could he ignore a challenge a obvious as this? The world seemed to shift around him as he stared at Nightcloud. The trees swayed cautiously as if they knew to tread carefully while the two mates glared at each other.

Nightcloud moved first, a flash of spiky black and white fur screamed past his face and a line of scorching hot pain rushed down his cheek where her claw had scored across it. He yowled in pain and reared backwards shaking his head from side to side, splattering droplets of blood everywhere. He launched himself forwards, fueled by his fury that his mate was doing this to him. His claws met with her ear and they tore through. She jerked her head backwards a slice out of her ear drizzled blood that oozed down her muzzel.

"Stop!" A loud yowl came from the top of the ridge and Onestar pelted down towards them and stepped in between them. " What in the name of StarClan is going on?!"

Barkface streaked down towards them and meowed "You shouldn't be fighting in your state Nightcloud you should be in the nursery sleeping gathering rest for your kits."

"Hold on. You told him before you told me" Crowfeather croaked, stung.

"Well I had to be sure!" Nightcloud replied "Look Crowfeather I'm sorry I said those things and I'm sorry about our fight. Lets make it around this"

Crowfeather narrowed his eyes. Why wasn't she mentioning Leafpool infront of the others. Maybe she had only meant to protect him from more hurt. "Okay Nightcloud. Come on lets get you to the Nursery"

The two cats padded away from the patrol towards tha camp. It seemed to take ages to get there. His paws felt like he had been walking over hot ashes non-stop from the old forest to the lake shore. The day was fading and streaks of purple and red were creeping along the twilight sky. On the way back Nightcloud bent over a small pool to drink. When Crowfeather looked over the edge the darkening sky covered half of his face with nothingness, so when he saw himself, he was only half. He shook his head to rid it of that terrible thought. Having kits. That made him whole.

They padded silently into the camp, fur barely brushing. Clouds rolled over ahead, rain pattering down formind droplets on his pelt and running down his face and dripping from his chin. Nightcloud slipped into the nursery quietly and Crowfeather followed her. Inside Nightcloud settled down in a comfortable nest and soon fell fast asleep. Heathertail, another queen who was very close to kitting looked at him and meowed:

"First litter eh?"

"Er...Yeh it is." Crowfeather replied

"Ahh troublesome kits. You'll love them. But here's a tip. Don't tell them not to do anything, or they'll only go and do it" The queen let out a mrrrwww of lauter and then meowed "But untill she is close to kitting you can't sleep in here. I'm soory off you go."

"Okay Heathertail." Crowfeather backed out and sat in the rain, happy to be alone with his thoughts... About Leafpool. What was so important that she would try seeing him again and risk her feelings coming back. Or had they never left her? Did Leafpool still have feeling for hi like he had for her? Oh StarClan he prayed silently Tell me what to do!


	9. Chapter 9: Cinderpelt?

Leafpool awoke from a light troubled sleep. The moon had come up six times since she talked to Crowfeather and she hadn't had much sleep since. She was also scared that the signs of her being pregnant would show through soon. Brambleclaw and Firestar were overjoyed at the fact that Squirrelflight was pregnant and although Leafpool couldn't see it Sandstorm had commented that she did look plumper. Squirrelflight was already in the nursery and Sorreltail was always talking to her about having kits. Leafpool tried to visit as regularly as she could, even though every time she set eyes upon kits she trembled uncontrollably.

Inside her head she had been coming up with as many ways as she could to go through with this unnoticed, and the only one she could think of was to run away. But she couldn't, she didn't have Cinderpelt to hold up Thunderclan, she was the only medicine cat. She had to stay with the clan. She had tried to tell Squirrelflight once, but her sister was under too much strain from her kits. She didn't need another secret. Leafpool could never get some time alone with her mother. Sorreltail was too busy taking care of her kits. She had even once in complete desperation, approached her father, but that was soon cut short because he started speaking to Brambleclaw about Squirrelflight.

She sat up in the twilight and gazed around. She had taken to sleeping at day and working at night to avoid direct confrontations about her weight, even though it was barely visible she was certain Fireheart or Brambleclaw would notice after spending most of their time with Squirrelflight. The sky was stained red with dark clouds lining the horizon. Could this be a sign from StarClan of bloodshed to come? Most of the camp had settled down, sharing tongues and eating their share of the fresh kill. Leafpool would eat later in the night, if she felt like it. Leafpool lost herself to her own wonders. How could she hide the kits? Would they be safe if the clan found out? Was there anyone she could talk to who knew about this? But she knew that these questions couldn't be answered until their time comes.

"Leafpool!" A voice came from out side her den jolting her to life. "Leafpool are you OK I've called three times!"

"Come in Sorreltail. What do you need?" Leafpool forced herself to stay calm as Sorreltail and two of her kits padded their way into the nursery. Sorreltail was caring Cinderkit and Honeykit was limping slightly.

"These two troublesome kits were playing out side when they fell into the brambles guarding the nursery. Dustpelt is patching it up but they have scratches all over them!" Sorreltail sighed "They are such a handful. I've got Squirrelflight keeping an eye on the other two while I'm here. Honestly you tell them to behave and they do the opposite!

Leafpool bent over Honeykit as Sorreltail talked. She put cobwebs on her scratched and rubbed some marigold in to prevent any infection or itching. She was vaguely aware of the fact that she was shaking.

"Are you OK? You look sick Leafpool. Have you been getting enough sleep?" Sorreltail mewed eying her strangely.

"YeahI'm fine just tired. I have a lot to do." Leafpool replied not meeting Sorreltail's gaze. What Sorreltail had just said had made her see that there was no way she could bring up these kits without someone in the clan knowing. They'd only get into trouble anyway.

Sorreltail seemed to sense something was wrong but didn't bring it up again. Leafpool sniffed Honeykit and meowed "I think she's OK now she seems to be fine."

Honeykit scrambled up and scampered towards her mother and sat close, shaken from her earlier experience. Cinderkit looked up at Leafpool with bright, round unmistakably familiar blue eyes._ Cinderpelt?_ Leafpool bent over and licked a scratch on her ear. Apart from that everything seemed fine so she told Sorreltail that they shouldn't play until their wounds stopped hurting. She then sat down and pondered her new information. Cinderkit bore and unsual likeness to Cinderpelt. Could it be that Cinderpelt had never really left them? Leafpool concluded that she would ask StarClan soon at the half moon which wasn't too far away.

But right now there were more pressing matters. She had to tell someone about her pregnancy. Crowfeather wouldn't listen. Nightcloud would stop him anyway. She was afraid of what Firestar and Sandstorm would say. She couldn't tell another medicine cat. Or maybe she could. Mothwing had trusted her with all her secrets, not believing in StarClan she wouldn't judge Leafpool for going against their way. Mothwing was the perfect cat to tell. Plus she could tell her in just a few days when they were coming back from the Moonpool. Mothwing was clever so she'd know what to do.

Whitepaw bounded in with a shrew and placed it at her paws.

"Brambleclaw told me to bring you this Leafpool." She meowed happily

"Thank you very much Whitepaw" Leafpool replied absently

"What's the matter Leafpool?" Whitepaw asked

"Oh, nothing" she snapped her attention back to Whitepaw

"Have you had a sign from StarClan?" Whitepaw inquired curiously

"I don't know Whitepaw. I'm not quite sure" Leafpool sighed heavily as the apprentice left. Would StarClan ever give her a sign if she had kits?


	10. Chapter 10: Losing Control

Crowfeather padded over to the fresh kill pile. His mind was still running over the Leafpool problem. He couldn't shake the feeling she had something really important to say to him. As he picked up a mouse and a thrush for Nightcloud he recalled what she had said... "_Yes there is Crowfeather. There is so much to talk about"_ . He remembered the way she had looked when she had found out that Nightcloud was having his kits. Every night, in his dreams he could see her eyes. Two pools of amber, blazing with disbelief and hurt.

He slipped into the nursery and dropped the fresh kill at Nightcloud's paws. She looked up at him and seemed to guess what he was thinking.

"Don't think about that thing too much. Put her out of your mind" She meowed.

For once Crowfeather was glad there was no one else in the nursery. If anyone else had heard her comment he would be pushed back down the ranks in the clan. "How can I? She had something to say to me! What if she was ill? What if her clan were threatining her?"

"Thunderclan? Being anywhere near strict? I doubt it. And if she was ill would she be allowed out of camp? Just remember the pain she caused you. You mean nothing to her. She chose her clan so forget her. She is nothing!" Nightcloud snarled

"Don't be so anti-Thunderclan. Without them, we might not be here. And Leafpool isn't a nothing. She's-"

Crowfeather was cut short by a white paw, claws extended smashing into his face. Fresh blood stung his tongue, salty and warm. A blinding pain shot up his face from where claws met flesh. "You're with me now!" Nightcloud's voice was curldled with menace. She shook her paw and red droplets spun off in all directions, leaving only a small red stain on her claws.

"What did you do that for!?" Crowfeather yowled stalking up to her. He couldn't control himself, his whole body was shaking with anger. He longed to swipe at her, retalliate. But he couldn't. He couldn't find the nerve to do it. Instead he flung around angrily. Mud and dust flew up from under his paws as he swept out of the nursery. He scrambled out of the camp, crunching his way along a gravely path. He hardley knew where he was going. His paws flew along. All he was aware of was the sting on his cheek and the salty tang of blood in the air.

He came to the small stretch of woodland near the Thunderclan border. He ran through the trees fast as he could. He hit the trunk of a tree, dazed he stood for a moment, then flung himself at the tree. He beat his paws as hard as he could on the bark, claws extented. He was bleakly aware of blood seeping under his claws, oozing from his sore pads. He took all of his anger out on the tree, one of his claws tore right off and he yowled in fury. What was he doing? Why was he so angry? He hated Nightcloud now. She was manipulative and evil. he staggered light headedly away from the tree and bleakly walked home. Aching and sore he limped onwards. But he didn't want to go home. He didn't want the questions of why he was so battered. He padded past the camp. Where could he sleep?

It seemed he walked onwards for ages, never stopping, never wavering. He adventually came to Smoky's barn. He slipped under the fence and peered nevously around the door of the barn. A small shape was pacing back and forth, tail flickering nevously.

"Smoky?" he called quietly.

"Floss? Is that you?" Smoky's voice was cracked with lack of sleep and his eyes shone weakly in the dim light of the barn.

"No. No it's not. I am Crowfeather of Windclan, I need a place to sleep. Please may I rest here for the night?" Crowfeather replied.

"Crowfeather... The disloyal one who ran away?" Smoky inquired

"I am not disloyal- How do you know that I ran away?" Crowfeather asked

Smoky seemed to recoile for a moment like he had said. "Oh you know. News travels fast around such a small place." He tried to sound casual but Crowfeather could tell he was trying to hide something. But he didn't push the point.

"Can I please stay here for a night. Please?" Crowfeather din't know what he would do if Smoky turned him away.

"Of course you may. I don't own he barn the Nofur's do" Crowfeather guessed by 'Nofur' Smoky meant Twolegs.

"Thank you Smoky" Crowfeather turned and settled into a small dip in the straw, far enough away for him not to get in the way of Smoky but not so far he seemed uneasy. He was just about to drift into an exausted slumber, when Smoky's delighted yowl rung through the air and Floss' scent reached his nostrils. He couldn't help over-hearing their conversations.

"Floss! You've been gone all day! I was worried!" Smoky cried, nuzzling Floss' muzzle.

Floss pulled away and meowed "More like you were worring about your kits! I don't see why, you've got that other she-cats kits!" Floss' tail swept angrily and her ears flicked irritably.

"I was worring about you. And don't mention her, it's against the Warrior code for her to be seeing me, plus she has a 'mate' in her clan." He lowered his voice and whispered something that was barely audible. "One of her clan mates is here, and he shouldn't know what she has done"


	11. Chapter 11: Trouble

Leafpool's paws hit the springy forest floor that was scattered with pine needles and crunchy leaves left there from leaf-fall. The wind whistled through the trees that were swaying lightly from side to side. They seemed to be whispering secrets between each other. As she stepped out of the trees onto the grassy moorland she looked up to see a half moon set into the starry sky glowing fabulously. She slowly padded on towards the stream that gurgled softly in the night. As she looked into the water she saw the starlight on the water and it reminded her of earlier days. The way she got her true medicine cat name, when she was free. Free from her own feelings that shifted restlessly inside her very soul.

Before long Littlecloud trotted into view._ There goes my hope of talking to Mothwing before we talk with StarClan. _Although Leafpool wanted to talk to Mothwing, she was kind of glad that she didn't arrive first. She was still building up the confidence to even think about it, shouldn't she be able to tell one of her best friends? She shook her head to clear it and meowed a greeting to Littlecloud.

"Hey Littlecloud" Leafpool was aware that her voice was cracked with stress but she couldn't hide it.

"Good evening Leafpool. Is all well with Thunderclan?" Littlecloud seemed to take her up on her exhaustion.

"As well as I can expect it to be after the badgers. And Shadowclan?" Leafpool asked.

"We're fine too. Look I heard about Cinderpelt. I'm so sorry. Losing her, she was so young..." He hung his head and added "She was the one that influenced me to be a medicine cat"

"We'll all miss her." Leafpool wondered if she should tell him about Cinderkit's, Cinderpelt-like eyes and pelt, but she thought better of it.

Not to long after Littlecloud had arrived, Barkface's dark pelt appeared slipping over the wind blown moorland. Leafpool shifted uncomfortably, hoping he would not bring up Crowfeather. Soon he was pulling himself out of the stream to sit by Littlecloud. He deliberately ignored Leafpool's gaze and directed his greeting at Littlecloud.

"Good evening. Is all well with you?"

"Yes Shadowclan are fine. Leafpool was just telling me about the badgers. Did they affect you?" Littlecloud meowed

"Not much. We sent a patrol of our warriors over to help but none of them had that bad wounds." Barkface kept his voice tight so not to give away anything about Leafpool and Crowfeather. Leafpool shot him a glance and he returned it with a look that could tear apart her soul. He seemed sorry for her. She was almost to embarrassed to hold his gaze and lowered her head. They sat there a while longer before Barkface meowed.

"We better be going. Mothwing'll catch up with us. She is normally late, no point waiting any longer"

Leafpool had to admit he was right. The half moon already rode high in the night sky and the were wasting time. Wearily she trudged up the hill behind Littlecloud and Barkface. The stream trickle gently beside them and the wind dropped to reveal a rather warm night, even though the air was still fresh. Leaves were beginning to force their way out into the open and trees were starting to look fuller again. Before long every plant would be in full bloom and it would be easier to restock the medicine supplies.

They were almost at the moonpool by the time Mothwing caught up. She was panting heavily and reeked dirty water. Her usually glowing fur was slick with water and grime.

"What happened to you?" Littlecloud meowed laughingly "You look like you fell in the lake!"

"Er.. Well I did sort of..." Mothwing broke off embarrassed.

"You... You actually fell in the lake?!" Leafpool reeled amazed "How do you manage it Mothwing?" How? You never fail to amaze me!"

Barkface and Littlecloud let out a _mrrrwww _of laughter whilst Mothwing turned her back and meowed "It's not my fault!" But even Mothwing couldn't help cracking a smile.

"Okay then we best be going now. We are literally there come on you lot!" Barkface, the eldest of the medicine cat meowed it, whiskas still quivering with amusement. Then he slipped behind the screen of ferns and descended to the moonpool. Littleclouds looked back at Mothwing, eyes gleaming and followed. Mothwing turned her head to Leafpool and purred for at moment then they set off after the other two medicine cats.

Leafpool opened her eyes to find Spottedleaf standing in front of her.

"Spottedleaf. I thought you'd never speak to me again! Especially as..." Her voice faded away and Spottedleaf paced over to her and placed her tail on her shoulders comfortingly.

"No one is ashamed of you Leafpool. Goodness knows we all have feelings." Spottedleaf's voice gave off nothing and was a quiet as the ripples on the surface of the moonpool.

After a while Leafpool looked up at her "Are you talking about my father?"

Spottedleaf sighed "Yes. And I'm not scared to admit it. I loved Firestar, but he was destined to be with Sandstorm and I cannot change that. I trust Starclan with where they lead my paws"

Leafpool swallowed back her emotions and meowed "Crowfeather is meant for Nightcloud... Isn't he?"

Spottedleaf didn't answer. Instead she looked out across the moonpool and meowed "Look at the water, what do you see?"

Leafpool narrowed her eyes at Spottedleaf. Why hadn't she answered? Did she think she couldn't handle the truth? She peered into the water. She didn't see anything out of the ordinary. "There's nothing there Spottedleaf!"

"Exactly. Nothing is there." Spottedleaf

"What do you mean." Leafpool was now thoroughly confused.

"Look again. But this time look at yourself" Spottedleaf meowed

Leafpool leant over the edge. No sounds or movements disturbed the water. When she looked at herself she almost fell in. The water was black and reflected nothing. Not the stars in the sky or herself and Spottedleaf.

"What does it mean Spottedleaf?"

Spottedleaf didn't answer but Leafpool heard it in her head.

_Great trouble is coming. Night will cover vision._


	12. Chapter 12: The Right Cat?

Crowfeather awoke silently, moonlight was streaming into the barn, bright and blinding. He squinted and stretched out each leg at a time. Yawning he got up, and with drearily, blurry eyes surveyed the barn. All signs of Smoky were gone._ Maybe he knows I heard what he said yesterday. Well I find hin sometime and find out what he means. _Floss was sitting by the doors, gazing at him with beautiful blue eyes. He padded over to her slightly apprehensivley and she meowed.

"You heard earlier, didn't you?" Floss' tail twitched angrily and her eyes blazed slightly.

"Yes I did I have to ask you-" Crowfeather's scentance was finished by Floss.

"-Who the mystery she-cat is?" Floss growled "Well I don't know. I've never seen her, but that can't stop me hating her. She has corrupted Smoky's mind, always going on about how her mate would be furious if he found out and telling him he should live by StarClan's code, which by the way, untill she told him we had never heard of. I personally hope her mate finds out!"

"So you can't tell me whos she is?" Crowfeather couldn't help sounding a little dampened.

"Sorry I can't" Floss' eyes softened when she met his and she meowed. "You've had a rough time recently, havn't you?"

Crowfeather figited uncomfortable "Um...Yeah, how'd you know?"

Floss shurgged "Dunno. Something about your face, the way your eyes look slightly... Dull. I'm sorry if I sound rude but they do."

"I's okay" Crowfeather sighed and turned around. "See you"

"Look what's your name?" Floss asked.

"Crowfeather of Windclan"

"Well Crowfeather of Windclan. If I see this she-cat, I'll tell you what she looks like"

"Thank's" Crowfeather flicked his tail in fairwell and padded out of sight. As he walked he thought vacently about his kits. He was glad they would not have brothers and sisters in another part of the forest. He would protect them from the pain he had suffered over loving cats from different clans whatever it took. He could picture it now Nightcloud lying in the nursery with kits nuzzling into her belly. At the moment the thought odf his unborn kits soothed him and all his anger at his mate from the previous night faded. Maybe he would be allowed to mentor one! He wondered, as he walked slowly across the barren moorland, how Nightcloud was. He was supprised that all of his anger from the previous night had gone so quickly. When Feathertail had died he had been angry with himself for moons. When he had loved Leafpool, but she hadn't noticed he was angry with himself for a long time. Was this a sign Nightcloud was made for him? But no matter how hard he tried to comvince himself of this he still couldn't shake the feeling of not belonging with Nightcloud. His heart told him _Leafpool. Leafpool. _As it ached for her sweet scent to linger around his nostrils. He shook his head_ Those days are gone and will never come back!_

He looked around and spotted Willowpaw of Riverclan padding towards him. He stopped and let the young apprentice catch up with him.

"What's up Willowpaw?" He couldn't help noticing a panicky look on the young cats face. She had only recently been given her apprentice name and she was destined it StarClan accepted her to be a medicine cat apprentice.

"I must go to the moonpool to get Mothwing. I know I'm not supposed to because StarClan havn't said anything about me yet but one of our elders has got whitecough! If not properly treated to it could become greencough and then cats will die and I don't know how to how to tresat that yet. I'm a usless medicine cat apprentice!" Willopaw wailed.

"Woah woah hold up there! You were made and apprentice what? A few weeks ago? You can't be expected to know everything. Besides look at the moon." Crowfeather meowed.

The young cat switched her eyes to the night sky. He round eyes easily reflected the half moon. "It's a half moon..." She meowed confused.

"Yes and it's almost gone, look at that orange tint on the horizon" Crowfeather meowed.

"Yes."

"Meaning Mothwing will be on her way back soon. So instead of wasting all your energy running to go get her go back to your patients and I'll get Mothwing on her way back and tell her to hurry" Crowfeather mewed quietly.

The young cat hesitated obviously wondering whether to trust him with her clan but thought better of her hesistation. "Okay. But please can you go as close as you can to the moonpool?"

"I'll get as close as I can" Crowfeather promised and turned to watch the young cats race off as fast as her legs could carry her. Then he ran off towards the moonpool. Maybe this encounter would let him find out what Leafpool wanted.


	13. Chapter 13: What!

Leafpool's eyes snapped open. She was crouched at the edge of the Moonpool. In panic she peered over the edge, but her reflection was there. She sighed and tried to relax but she couldn't. The water in her dream hadn't behaved how it should. Th night sky was the only thing that had been reflected. The dark night had poisoned the pool. She shook herself and meowed quietly to herself.

"You are not a kit now. No need to be so frightened. You are Thundeclan's full medicine cat. You are not allowed to be so weak." She shivered and thought of her unborn kits. What would happen to Thunderclan when they were born. Would she have to give them up?

She pushed these thoughts aside and leaned across to Mothwing who was dozing looking comfortable on the edge of the pool. She poked her gently with a white forepaw.

"Uhhh..." Mothwing turned over "Oh Leafpool. Thanks, last time Barkface almost caught me." Mothwing sat up and gave her chest a few licks.

Barkface and Littlecloud stirred and sat up. "Nothing out of the ordinary tonight." Barkface meowed matter-of-factly.

"No only the warning of rivalry, but when does that not happen" Littlecloud meowed.

"Young warriors, that's what it is." Mothwing meowed "Showing off. Trying to impress she-cats with their bravery"

All the medicine cats purred in amesument and Barkface said "You are spot on there Mothwing"

Littlecloud glanced at Leafpool and meowed "Are you ok Leafpool you look as if something's distracting you?"

Leafpool felt as if their were ants caught in her pelt. Had she been guessed. "Just incredibly tired at the moment. Been a moon. What with the badgers and all."

"Of course. Well take it easy. Thunderclan's medicine cat can't get ill."

The set off down the hill. Barkface and Littlecloud were walking several foxlengths ahead of Leafpool and Mothwing who were plodding along at a slow pace. The moon glistened low in the night sky and the horizon behind them was stained pink. Leafpool knew she had to tell Mothwing sooner or later. Thunderclan's territory had started a while ago. Leafpool sat down shaking from nerves. Mothwing looked at her and followed her lead. When the other two medicine cats were out of sight Leafpool started.

"Mothwing I have to tell you something." She meowed it quietly.

"Yes" Mothwing meowed and after a while of silence "Come on then Leafpool."

"Err. Okay. Several moons ago. You remember when the bridge to the island was made"

"Yes.."

"Well at the same time I was defending Thunderclan from any possible attack. I was keeping a look out from the top of the hollow. Suddenly out of nowhere two Shadowclan cats charged through. They saw me and came at me. I was standing right at the edge of the hollow and the didn't stop. They ran straight off the edge of the cliff taking me with them. I managed to grab ahold of the edge but they fell tot heir deaths. I was trying to get back on the ground...but me hind paws. I couldn't find a grip. I was about to fall when Crowfeather came. He reescued me."

Mothwing's eyes were wide."Wow that's scary are you having bad dreams about it?"

"No that's not it. As we lay there he told me something. It went agaisnt all the rules of Starclan but I knew it was true. He told me he loved me"

"Oh I knew that." Mothwing meowed

"What?!" Leafpool gasped. Had it spread through all the clans so quickly?

"Yeah. I could see the way he looked at you during gatherings and whenever he met you. He couldn't take his eyes off you."

"Well the thing is. I love him too. And well at the time... We kept seeing each other. Less than a moon ago. Cinderpelt found out. She was angry so angry. We fought and... I was scared I ran off. To the moonpool. Spottedleaf told me to follow my heart. So I...Me and Crowfeather ran away together" Leafpool's voice was cracked with emotion.

"But... You came back" Mothwing meowed.

"Yes, we couldn't leave our clans. It tore me apart to come back. But I had to. I had no choice."

Mothwing's eyes were wide "I never knew you and Crowfeather felt.. that way."

"Well he doesn't anymore. Him and Nightcloud are together now. And having kits." Leafpool almost died from the pain of admitting that.

"That traitor! I kill him He just left you?!" Mothwing's voice was raised in fury and protection for her friend.

"No Mothwing that's not the problem. I... I am going to have his kits."

"What!" Mothwing yowled.

"What!" A voice came from behind Leafpool. Leafpool spun around.

Squirrelflight stepped out from the shadows.


	14. Chapter 14: Hurt Her?

Crowfeather walked briskly across wild moorland. The long heather whipped his tail back and forth. His muscles ached and his paws painfully reminded him of his earlier anger. The wind was building slowly and pushing him sideways. At one point it was so strong he nearly fell over. He was almost at the stretch of woodland by Thunderclan. It had just appeared on the horizon and now as he padded on it was growing like a flower does in new-leaf.

Soon he was walking the the darkness of the trees, the moon above him blocked by the masses of growing buds on large trees. He mind started reeling. _What would Leafpool tell him? Could he even talk to her? Had he betrayed her and hurt her by taking Nightcloud as a mate? Would she be angry at him? Would she want to tell him? Would she even be there? What if she had been exiled from the Medicine cats world because of him? _He didn't think he could live with himself if the thing she gave him up for had been stolen from her life because of his feelings.

As he walked he wondered what life would have been like if Feathertail hadn't died. Their love was forbidden aswell. How come no one had shunted him for that? Would he still have looked twice at Leafpool? He knew he would have. Leafpool just radiated. The fact she was forbidden just made it worse. He thought of her soft amber eyes, sleek tabby coat and sweet herb scent.

He reached the stream and splashed straight through, ignoring the cold flow. Though it was New-leaf the water would not be warm for a while. He sniffed the ground and parted his jaws slightly to pick up any scents, neither the scent of his beloved medicine cat nor her friends scent hit him, so he continued up the hill scenting the air every now and again.

Soon he picked up a faint Riverclan scent. _It must be Mothwing! _He scented the air and bounded in the direction of a small bush. Soon he heard voices...

"Wh- Squirrelflight" It was Leafpool

"I can't believe It!" Squirrelflight yowled angrily

"It wasn't planned I didn't mean -" Leafpool wailed despratley

Crowfeather decided Leafpool could be in trouble so he better get Mothwing now. _There goes my chance of finding out what she wanted!_

He stepped into the clearing they were sitting in and the reaction was tremedous. Squirrelflight glared at him, her eye were full of anger and he wanted to turn tail and run. Mothwing looked at him uncomforatbly and Leafpool was crouching on the floor by Mothwing and when he stepped in she looked up in terror.

"Look at what you've done!" Her speach was directed at him

"Huh!?" Crowfeather was confused

"And I supose you told him to meet you on your way back!" Squirrelflight spat at Leafpool

"No!...I didn't!" Leafpool defended herself as she shook.

"No she didn't" he decided to speak for himself "Actually I-"

"I didn't ask you!" Squirrelflight yowled

"I know you didn't but it is urgent" he turned head toward the Riverclan medicine cat "Mothwing, Willowpaw sent me. Apprently one of your elders has Greencough"

Mothwing who had been silent for most of the argument jumped up, and hesitantly glanced at Leafpool "I'm going, thank you for telling me Crowfeather"

"Leafpool looked at her pleadingly and shook her head slightly meowing "He doesn't know"

Mothwing inclined her head and turned around as she padded past Crowfeather she meowed "You better exit now believe me"

Crowfeather glanced at the scene one last time. Squirrelflight stood there galring at hima and Leafpool crouched not meeting his eyes.

He and Mothwing walked for a while, by now the sun was just climbing in the sky sheding light on everything making it glow golden. For the first time he realised Mothwing's coat reminded him og the sun. She was padding along obviously lost in thought, but she too was avoiding his gaze.

"Mothwing, what was all that about? What have I done to upset Squirrelflight and Leafpool" Crowfeather asked.

She turned her beautiful troubled head towards him and meowed edventually "You love Leafpool?"

He was off guard he didn't think Mothwing knew but he decided to tell the truth "Yes. I love her more than I have ever loved anything"

"Even though you took Nightcloud as a mate" Mothwing meowed

"I... I...know" Crowfeather meowed at last

"You know she still loves you" Mothwing meowed

"She doesn't love me. She chose her duty over me" Crowfeather meowed "She is weak to her feelings" His voice shook as he quoted Nightcloud's words

"How dare you say she is weak. She loves you and you hurt her. It took great strength to do as StarClan has told her over her own heart!" Mothwing briefly flared up then calmed down

"Please Mothwing just tell me what I have done. Why does Squirrelflight hate me and Leafpool?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell that. It's up to Leafpool"

And Mothwing turned and raced into Riverclan territory


	15. Chapter 15: A Plan

Leafpool stared out at the bushes where Crowfeather had disapeared longing to tell him yet frightened. Her fur stood on end in uncomfort as Squirrelflight glared in the same spot.

"Squirrelflight please, it's not my fault I didn't mean, I can't control these things" She tried to make amends

"You should've thought" Squirrelflight growled

"Do you think I am not scared?! Squirrelflight I wish this had never happened, I really do!" Leafpool wailed and ran off.

She ran through Thunderclan territory, but didn't feel like going back to camp. She ran straight past the camp and didn't slow her pace untill she was near the old abandoned twoleg nest. Panting slightly she quived. _Running like that could've harmed the kits! What were you thinking?!_

He heart quickened as she entered the twoleg garden. No one would look for her hear. She looked cautiously around the garden and saw a seperate den coming off the side. She padded cautiously up to the slightly open door of the den. Pokinh her head around it and scenting the air inside it she gathered that it was empty and nothing was living there. As she looked around for somewhere to sit she was amazed by what she saw. She saw a perfect refuge.

At one end of the den was a tall ledge leant up against a murky fogged up window ans she could just see out of it but nothing could see in. Under the ledge was a box much like the ones her father had told her about when he talked about his early years with twolegs. When she peered inside she saw that it was full of old cloth. On another side of the den lay an arrangement of round things. She padded up to one head tilted to the side, whiskas quivering slightly. When she bent her head over the round things a splash of water dripped on her. The Round things acted like bowls and were full of water.

She leapt up onto the ledge and looked out the window. She tried to take in the beautiful scenery of the forest but slowly she fell into the darkness of sleep.

_Spottedleaf was padding towards her. _

_"__Tell me what you meant earlier!" Leafpool cried out_

_"Tell me what you see" Spottedleaf told her_

_"Uh" she was taken aback "A forest" she meowed bewildered_

_"Look harder" And Spottedleaf vanished_

_Leafpool looked around. She had been here before. It wasn't the dark forest in which Tigerstar romed praying on anything he comes across. Then a breath of clear fresh air caught her and she remembered. She was in the forest of truth again. This time she would ask a worthwhile question but which one?_

_Could she ask if Crowfeather still loved her. If she should tell Crowfeather about the kits? She wondered what to ask. But all these questions could be answered in time. then she had it. She would ask why Mothwing didn't believe in StarClan._

_"Why does Mothwing not believe in StarClan?"_

_Again the bodiless voice came " As sure as a Thunderpath and a Forest. One known, the other left unentered. Belief comes when needed and to those who want to believe. Mothwing does not."_

A sharp prod on her shoulder tore her from dreaming. "Leafpool" a voice hissed.

She opened her eyes and saw Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw. She sat up suddenly on guard. "What do you want?! Why did you bring him?"

"Relax he's not going to tell anyone, he's had a good idea. But first.. I errr... I'm sorry about earlier. I know it's hard on you"

Leafpool nodded her thanks.

" And Bramleclaw thinks he knows a way for your kits to stay in the camp undetected"

"Go on"

Brambleclaw stepped forward. "I know this might not sound ideal but at the moment it's the only thing we think can work." He cleared his throat nervously. " You and Squirrelflight should kit roughly around the same time. And I don't think anyone will notice a slight difference in age and they won't have too different-er pelt as you are kin. So whoever kits first will be outside the camp when they do. And then your kits will be brought up by Squirrelflight and the clan will be none the wiser."

Leafpool was struck by how simple and obvious that answer was. "That's great Brambleclaw" she meowed tiredly "But where can we find a place asfe enough to kit out in the forest?"

"Oh I think you found somewhere" Squirrelflight meowed looking around the den. "It's warm, protected, away from the camp and we had a hard time tracking you expecially through the herb filled garden. It's near herbs in case they are ill and no fox or badger could get through the gap in the door. Perfect"

Leafpool wondered how they found it so easy. She nodded and meowed "How did you warok this out"

Squirrelflight grinned mischieviously "Guess I got the brains of the family" She laughed.

"Oh really?" but Leafpool was too tired to counter act. "I need to sleep. I going back to camp. You two coming?"

"We are going out for a hunt and well a walk together" Brambleclaw answered.

"Okay see you soon then" Leafpool padded out of the den and towards the camp, going over the plan in her head.


	16. Chapter 16: Among My Loved Ones

Crowfeather stared out after the golden medicine cat. _StarClan be with you thank you for waking me up to my feelings. _He prayed. For once he just wanted to look out at the lake. In all his time living here he had never just sat and watched the water. Slowly he slipped onto a smooth rock that overhung the water. In the dying moonlight it was a beautiful pinky silver. Lying down so that his paw skimmed the surface of the rippling lake.

Each small wave that met the shore made a calming noise, and looked like a rolling silver wave like the ones he had seen at the Sun drown place but in minature. He didn't realise it but he must have slipped into a light sleep. He had forgotton how little sleep he had got the night before in the uncomfortable barn. Racing around all night on errands for not even his own clan. But the there was what Smoky and Floss had said.

Smoky was seeing someone from his clan and Crowfeather decided to find out who. Even Floss didn't know who. For Floss to not have seen this She-cat they must be pretty sneaky.

He knew he couldn't think about that now. He mind was too tired. Not to mention the rest of him. His eyelids drooped and whiskas dropped. As he fell into a slumber.

His memories reawoke and he dreamed.

_He was standing by the stream, waiting for Leafpool. Every sense inside him tingled, yet he was still alert. The had only been seeing each other for two sunrises yet he felt a bond stronger that his faith in StarClan teathered them together. He knew this was ment to be. It felt so right. Saving Leafpool from falling had been a great starting point. After he told her truth, knowing she felt the same way their hearts wound with each other._

_Leafpool walked towards him, he could only see her paws for the low hanging branches.. but any secind her beautiful eyes would link with his and her sweet aroma would sweep his senses._

_Then the scene changed._

_He was bristling standing next to Leafpool facing Cinderpelt. He could see Cinderpelt was equally angry, her eyes blazed like nothing he had seen. He was afraid to leave Leafpool but he had to do as Leafpool told him. He could see a pleading look in her eyes. As he walked away angry yowls met his ears, he flinched and began to turn around..._

_Again he was somewhere different._

_Leafpool was lying by his side and the pool by their side rippled slowly. They had run away to be together. Then a noise alerted him and out stepped Midnight._

A paw was prodding him hard and he noticed he was wet. He sputtered awake opening his eyes.

"Crowfeather where in StarClan's name have you been to?" Ashfoot Meowed urgently.

"Errr... Asleep?" Crowfeather ventered a guess

"Well you should've been in camp. Nightcloud is kitting!" Ashfoot told him "Come on then"

Crowfeather hurried to catch up with Ashfoot but his mother was giving him weird looks.

"What?"

"You still love the other cat, don't you" Ashfoot meowed

"...Err no" he lied

"I know yo do Crowfeather I'm not blind. I heard you meowing in your sleep just now and I see the way you stare into space. Your gaze is full of love but also pain. I'm not going to tell you off I cannot say who you may love and who you may. It is StarClan you must take this up with. But don't hurt Nightcloud too much"

Crowfeather didn't have a reply so he studied his paws and spead up. He could feel Ashfoot's eyes burning into him.

He entered the camp with a swish and headed straight for the nursery. Nightcloud was inside Barkface too. Powerful ripples was coursing up her body.

"There you go Nightcloud, keep going" Barkface meowed calmly "It's going fine"

"Where have you been!" Nightcloud spat

"Shh it's okay Nightcloud he's here now" Barkface meowed

Crowfeather looked down. Two kits were already nestled into Nightcloud's flank and another was on it's way.

Nightcloud let out a quick yowl and the relaxed.

"There you go. Three strong kits." Barkface whispered soothingly "I'll leave you two now"

"Their beautiful" Crowfeather nosed them. The largest a black and white tom mewled sleepily. A smoky grey one yawned and the smallest. A grey and white she-kit kneeded Nightcloud's flank. Nightcloud looked down at her first born and smiled strongly

"He is the strongest. My favorite. I shall call him ... Fogkit!" Nightcloud purred. "You name the others"

She bent down and licked Fogkit on the head before relaxing slowly and sighing. Crowfeather's chest welled up with pride, though he couldn't help wonmdering if he would be more proud with Leafpool kits. _That's never going to happen! _He told himself. He had to stop living in his dreams.

" Err he shall be called Smokekit" He meowed soothingly to Nightcloud and she didn't seem to care. " And she is... Crystalkit"

"Whatever. I'm tired" She yawned and fell to sleep.

Crowfeather looked down at his kits and purred. Fogkit looked like he would be the bully of the kits. Big and full of mischeif. Smokepaw looked Small and timid. Like he would be a good hunter but not happy with clawing cats eyes out, And Crystalkit. Well Crystalkit looked like a pawfull. She looked cheeky and firey and a fighter.

Crowfeather padded out of the nursery glancing one last time over his shoulder at his sleeping kin. Flopping down in the Warriors den he thought life couldn't be better.

_Feathertail padded towards him. Mist swirled around him and he knew he was dreaming._

_ He went to call out to her but she looked up at him eyes full of pain._

_" Beware. One you cannot trust hiding well amongst your loved ones"_


	17. Chapter 17: Memories

Leafpool woke in her den, the moon was up and it wasn't long since she got back from her outing. Stretching her limbs she glanced one last time at her den and padded out. Looking around the camp calmed her. No sounds met her ears except the squeaks of the forest. She yawned and looked around. Thornclaw was on guard his ears at angles listening to every sound. Glancing in the warrior's den she saw the sleeping pelts of Brightheart, Cloudtail, Ashfur, Ferncloud, Dustpelt, Sandstorm and Spiderfur. That meant Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw were still out and Brackenfur, Brook and Stormfur were on patrol.

Leafpool wondered what her life would've been like if she had never wanted to become Cinderpelts apprentice. She would've been a warrior, stronger and her loyalty wouldn't be pricked by a medicine cats' lack of clan hostility. Being with kits would've been easy as it wouldn't have been against the warrior code and no one would suspect her. She would've been able to move into the nursery and take it relaxingly. Cinderpelt might've trained another cat as her apprentice and she could still be alive. If Leafpool was a warrior then prehapes a cat in the clan might've taken an interest in her and she might not have looked at Crowfeather twice.

_Why must I pad after him all the time? Am I not strong enough to take this heartbreak? I know I am strong enough!_

She remembered meeting him by the stream every other night...

_I am strong enough..._

His scent in her nostrils...

_I am strong enough..._

His smooth loving tounge lapping over her head comfortingly...

_I am strong enough..._

His amber eyes...

_I have to be strong enough..._

This was the truth and Leafpool knew it. No matter how much she still loved him she could never go back. Not to him. Not ever...

_Maybe if I trained an apprentice then I could leave..._

No. She knew she couldn't but prehapes... No! He loved Nightcloud now and that was that. But she wished that was not that.

Licking her chest fur she lost herself to her memories. The strong memories as clear as day imprinted in her thoughts. Nearly every one she remembered was about Crowfeather. Running with Crowfeather, talking to Crowfeather, standing with Crowfeather. The thrill of sneaking out of camp to see him at nights. The fear as she stood by Crowfeather wondering what would happen if the were caught.

Shaking her head she tried to think back further. The first gathering on the island. Listning to the leaders talking, Crowfeather's eyes burning into her.

_Further_

Camping out by the horseplace. Helping cats with their health. Helping elders. Trying to help Crowfeather.

_Further_

Traveling through the mountains. The cold wind. The hope. Jumping over the gap. Reassured by Crowfeather.

_Further_

Squirrelflight, Brambleclaw, Stormfur, Tawnypelt and Crowfeather returning from the journey to the sun drown place.

_Further_

Captured by Twolegs, and helped by Cody. While Crowfeather was on the journey.

It was too hard. Whenever she tried to think about something Crowfeather always popped into her head. She felt like yowling her misery to everyone. Loving a cat she was not allowed to and watching him love another cat who hated her. It was almost too much. _Is this how Feathertail felt. As she watched from StarClan?! Oh Feathertail I am sorry. Please forgive me my friend. I never meant it to happen. I am sorry I hurt you._

She felt bitter. So bitter she nearly didn't see Brambleclaw. Blinking she looked up at the other side of the hollow. Standing ontop hissing quietly at her was Brambleclaw.

"Leafpool... Leafpool quickly come here. Don't let anyone see!"

Shaking her head she got up cautiously and began to sneak around the camp. She stuck to the shadows untill she was almost right behind Thornclaw. The she bolted over to the brambles on the other side and froze once out of sight, listning.

"Anyone there?" Thornclaw called then sighed and grunting omething about young apprentice's playing tricks.

Concentrating she tried to climb the wall in frount of her. Previously she had been able to climb it in a few blinks but now, she was with kits and she didn't want to harm them. Hauling herself up to the first ledge she slipped up the ledges slowly. Nearly at the top she wobbled, No! She unsheathed her claws desprate for a grip. Her eyes were wide with fear. Then she felt a grip on her scruff that steadied her. Brambleclaw dragged her up the leapt nimbly after her.

"What is it Brambleclaw" Leafpool meowed questioningly "Why do you need me?"

Brambleclaw gasped for breath. He seemed as if he had run the entire forest twice. "It Squirrelflight. She's kitting!"


	18. Chapter 18: Playful Day

Crowfeather sighed in pleasure as he gazed over his kin. He had spent the last couple of nights watching over them protectivly and looking fondly down at them. Between his warrior duties of course. Now he had regained his high status in the clan he couldn't jeopardise it by slacking off patrols and hunting missions. His whole body ached from the excessive amout of duties he had done just to make sure the clan trusted him.

Now that he gazed down at his kin he felt sure he had reached the place in his life he was destined to be. Happy. No more heartbreak over losing his loves. Two he had lost now. The sweet, kind Feathertail died bravely saving everyone from the dreaded Sharptooth and gentle, loving Leafpool, caught in a vicious pull between her love and her duty, loyalty to her clan. While Feathertail visited him in dreams Leafpool roamed his dreams, never allowed to come near him for the strong sparkling hold StarClan had on her. But he still held both she-cats near to his heart. But all he had been thinking after Mothwing talked to him had disapeared because he had a family now. And their needs came first.

Stretching out he flexed his shoulders. He couldn't wait around here all day. He knew the sun would break through the black shroud and light his way so he could hunt. He used to prefer hunting at night, but now. He liked being out in the sunlight. He loved the way it warmed his fur and made his eyes shine. He loved his life now. Gone was the misery of losing Feathertail. His firey love for Leafpool had been extinguised. By one cat, Nightcloud.

At first he didnt actually think he loved Nightcloud. He hadn't been sure over what he had been doing. He thought he was getting the clan's trust back, but somehow in the process his heart had been stolen. _I shall find Nightcloud the plumpest, juiciest piece of fresh kill. _Now that his kits were getting stronger, he knew Nightcloud needed to keep her strength up, so she had to eat well to produce enough milk.

He nodded to Onestar who was sitting outside his den, basking in the early sunlight before he set off on a patrol. Onestar nodded and flicked his tail signalling Crowfeather to go to him. As he walked over Crowfeather thought he scented something strange, another cat but not from one of the clans but it was gone so quickly he dissmissed it and carried on.

"Crowfeather." Onestar greeted, "You are going to lead the evening patrol later, take Owlwhisker and Weaselfur."

"Sure, shall I tell them." Crowfeather inquired, pleased that Onestar trusted him enough to let him lead a patrol.

"No need, I told them earlier, just be here in time to meet the Midday patrol and take the border they didn't cover"

"Sure thing." Crowfeather called back as he headed out of camp. _Gives me plenty of time to find that mouse._

He was enjoying the warnm sun and found a warm rock to lie on. It sent rippling waves of comfort through his fur. Once the sun was firmly in the sky he set off in search of his massive catch. Deciding that on such a warm day most prey would've taken to the shadows he tried the small stretch of shady woodland by the stream. Soon a plump mouse was in his sight and it hadn't seen him. Crouching low he stalked forwards watching carefully over where his paws fell. Hardly daring to breathe he pulled himself closer to the mouse. He was so close... Timing his attack well, he leaped silently out of the bushes and with a swift flick of his paw, broke its neck.

Burying his prize he ventured further into the wood. Along his route catching two more mice, one sparrow and a thrush he decided to go back, knowing that he would get back in time to eat something and gather the patrolling cats.

As he walked across the moorland he caught scent of a rabbit. _Time for one more_ He thought as he dropped his catch and sprang quickly towards it.

He re-entered the camp and dropped his catch on the fresh kill pile. He picked up the plump mouse and entered the nursery. Nightcloud was sat up and his kits were tussling among themselves. They weren't yet strong enough to be a nuisence but that didn't mean they had no imagination.

"Quick, get that Shadowclanner!!" Crystalkit cried as she hurled herself on Smokekit.

He growled playfully and leapt back at her. "You may be strong Windclanner but your powers are nothing to mine"

The two kits rolled around playfully batting each other with their paws. They yelped in happiness as they rolled right into Fogkit.

"Watch it!" He snapped.

"Hey are you all right Fogkit?" Crowfeather asked.

"I'm fine. I don't want to join in with their kit games. I want to go hunting."

"Fogkit, nobody said you had to join in with them." Nightcloud meowed. "But you can't go hunting, you're too young"

Fogkit turned around and curled up tightly closing his eyes.

"Here, I caught this today, for you" Crowfeather dropped the mouse for Nightcloud who looked up at him and replied.

"Sorry Crowfeather. I've already eaten, and so have the kits. You eat it."

Crowfeather flicked his tail in farewell and took the mouse out of the nursery feeling rather put out. He'd taken alot of time finding the perfect mouse. As he gulped down the catch the sound of Crystalkit and Smokekit playing restarted and Crowfeather let out a _mrrrwwwww_ Of amusement when he heard the names the two kits were calling eaxh other.

Getting up he padded to the clan entrance and was closly met by the rest of the patrol. Owlwhiska nodded and Weaselfur sat down. Soon the midday patrol returned and Ashfoot greeted them.

"We've just been up the Riverclan border. No sign of trouble there. Try the Thunderclan border, they've been quiet a while." She told her son.

"Do you think it's wise to let him lead the _Thunderclan_ border patrol" Weaselfur asked.

"I'm sure he's perfectly capable of that" Ashffot growled as she entered the camp.

"Come on then." Crowfeather meowed and lead the patrol away into the darkening sky.


	19. Chapter 19: Jelousy

Leafpool stared at Brambleclaw. _No!_ She thought, _Squirrelflight is kitting too early. This could harm her kits and... The plan. _She shook her head.

"Where?" She asked Brambleclaw trying to stay calm.

"I left her just inside an abandoned badger set. Not too far from the Twoleg house but we must hurry if we want to stand a chance of getting her there before they come" Brambleclaw panted. His eyes were as wide as full moons.

"You lead the way, quickly. I'll follow" Leafpool exclaimed.

Brambleclaw set off at a quick pace weaving expertley through trees and under bushes. Slowly but surely the gap between him and Leafpool widened. She was panting heavily with the effort of keeping Brambleclaw in sight. She couldn't go any faster for fear of hurting her kits. The trees seemed to howl "Hurry. HURRY" as the wind whipped through them but she couldn't.

Brambleclaw looked over his shoulder and bounded back to her.

"No! Go to Squirrelflight, no point waiting for me, I'll catch up soon." She hissed and he turned, sped up and was soon out of sight. _Hold on Squirrelflight, hold on. _She focused on her sister trying to find out if she was ok. She reached out knowing the link between her and her sister couldn't give out. She suddenly heard Squirrelflight's voice saying "Brambleclaw hurry back" and a spasm of pain wrenched through her. She knew that was Squirrelflight.

Soon she could scent Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw. She heaved herself fowards and saw them. Brambleclaw was letting Squirrelflight lean on him as they edged slowly towards the opening of the badger set. As Leafpool laid her eyes on Squirrelflight she knew it was too late to move the she-cat.

"Brambleclaw we must take her back. It's too late to get all the way to the twoleg house, she's too far gone. We can move them there tomorrow. Plus the scent of blood could attract the attention of the clan and we don't want that. They can't see her untill my kits come aswell." Leafpool meowed loudly.

Squirrelflight looked up at her sister and was comforted by the calm look in Leafpool's eyes. She was breathing hard and Leafpool slipped down the set after them. It was definatley abandoned. Leafpool saw a small dip in the earth and in the dim light she could just make out Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw's outline. As she waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness she turned to Brambleclaw.

She meowed exact instructions "Go to the Windclan border. Wade into the middle of the stream and get me a decent mouthfull of the herb that grows there." She tried not to use medical terms in order to cause no confusion, she had to save time. " Not too wet and not too dry. It must be long but try not to get any of the roots and dont dig all of them up otherwise they wont grow again."

"Anything else?" He meowed

"Hurry!" She exclaimed to his retreating figure.

Squirrelflight let out a low moan and squirmed where she lay. Her breathing had become heavily laboured and her body was heaving from the effort. Leafpool pushed herself closer to her sister and licked her forhead whispering "You'll be okay and Brambleclaw will be back very soon."

"Leafpool..." Squirrelflight choked.

"Shh concentrate on the kits. They will be here soon" Leafpool mewed as she scrambled around so she could monitor the kits progress. It was hard in the cramped conditions to manouver back and forth from squirrelflight to the kits. She squinted. She could see better now her eyes had adapted to the dark. Squirrelflight had progressed very quickly through her labour, as most queens did.

"Nggghh. Leafpool. Starclan spoke to me about your kits... and mine.." Squirrelflight started then howled in pain.

"Tell me later. Right now I want you to concentrate on pushing for me, ok?" She meowed calmly but secretly wondering why Starclan would speak to Squirrelflight about her kits.

"OK" Squirrelflight meowed and her face screwed up in effort. Letting out a low moan as the first kit slipped out into the night, taking it's first breaths. Leafpool picked it up, In the darkness it was hard to make out it's colourings but she was sure it was a Ginger tabby like it's mother. It's scent told her it was a strong healthy tom. She laid it down next to Squirrelflight and the mother looked briefly and relaxed slightly before tensing up for the next kit.

The second kit emerged and Leafpool picked her up. Leafpool got the feeling that this kit was brown. Leafpool sniffed and realised that it was over. She padded over to her sister and licked her forehead whispering, "Well done"

Squirrelflight looked up at her and sighed before licking her two kits affectionatley as they suckled for their food.

Leafpool sat watching the mother and her kits, as they fell asleep. She couldn't help feeling jelous. Not just a bit, a lot jelous. She wouldn't be able to relax when her kits came. She would have to seem awake, as if they wern't hers and she didnt have the wearyness of kitting hanging over her. She wouldn't be able to gaze upon her kits and feel publically proud when they catch they first prey. She wouldn't see their eyes open for the first time. They wouldn't come to her when they had problems. She'd never have the support of a mate. Never know the love of another cat again.

She felt the kits sqirm inside her and knew one thing. They could never know their parentage.


	20. Chapter 20: Guarded Answers

Crowfeather stood at the top of the hill and gazed evenly acroos the land infront of him. The stretch of woodland was only a few foxlengths down the hill and a small sparkle of the stream glinted through the dense trees. He was truely glad that Firestar had let Windclan keep this patch of territory as it never failed to give a hunting patrol something to take back and in Greenleaf prey there would be plentyfull.

At the moment though it was Newleaf. And an abnormally cold one. Though the flowers were budding and leaves were beggining to creep back onto the branches of trees. He flicked his tail to his companions beckoning them forward with him. He lead them towards the lake where they would start their patrol and they would weave their way with the stream scent marking all the way, catching whatever they found to take home.

Weaselfur stalked forwards into the trees scenting the ground. His ears pricked up and zoned in on a mouse scuffling about. The young warrior looked towards Crowfeather for permission to go after it and eat it. Crowfeather nodded._ We're not on a hunting patrol and he must be starving. I'm glad he respects me enough to ask for permission. My clan must be accepting me again _He thought to himself.

Weaselfur returned shortly and he and Owlwhisker shared the mouse in quick gulps. Soon they were on their way again. They caught another mouse and a shrew, and buired them for later. Soon they were at the lake.

"We'll start here and follow the stream up to the edge of our territory." Crowfeather announced "Renew the scent markers wherever possible and keep and eye out for any Thunderclan patrols. We don't need any trouble, if you see them nod and we'll move on quickly."

Weaselfur nodded enthusiastically, and Crowfeather realised that it was his first patrol since he was made a warrior.

"Right lets go!" Owlwhisker meowed loudly.

Setting off up the stream the three cats wound backwards and forwards, never walking next to each other but always rotating around the same course. Crowfeather heard an owl flapping over head and looked where it was heading. Three mice were scattering around. In their panic to get away from the owl they were running into Crowfeathers path. Almost overwhelmed at his luck he scooped the first one up and killede it swiftly, the second he bit down hard upon its neck and as he leapt for the third the owl swooped down. Startled Crowfeather shrinked and the mouse escaped into the undergrowth.

Cursing he buried the other two mice and stalked back to the stream. He saw Owlwhisker and Weaselfur staring at something in the water. Padding forwards to join them he crooked his neck to gaze wonderingly at the water.

Brambleclaw was fighting agaisnt the current whilst knawing through some weeds.

"Brambleclaw what are you doing." Crowfeather growled. "Why are you so close to the border?"

"You'd think the Thunderclan deputy would have some brain cells the stupid furball." Owlwhisker laughed.

"I have to get this herb. Squirrelflight needs it for her kits" Brambleclaw meowed as he dragged himself out of the water, herbs in mouth.

"Shouldn't your medicine cat be getting that?" Weaselfur asked.

Crowfeather stiffened at the mention of Leafpool. Unbeknown to everyone he knew he still had feelings for her, but he buried them deep. Ignoring them, denying them, going to all costs to make it seem like he hated her again.

"Leafpool is with her. Squirrelflight is kitting. _Kits_ are the most inportant thing to anyone. To their mother and the rest of their clan." Bramleclaw replied defding his clan.

"Shouldn't you be with her then?" Crowfeather asked

"A father doesn't run from his resposibilities. He goes to all lengths to help them no matter where he is or what the circumstances are" Brambleclaw meowed. He looked meaningfully at Crowfeather.

_Why is he looking at me like that?_ Crowfeather wondered _I am a great father to my kits. What is he trying to hint at? _Crowfeather straightened his back. "You ought to be getting back to her then. It is your kin in question" Crowfeather meowed "Come on, we still have a while to go before we can rest. This border won't patrol itself"

As the rest of the patrol set off Crowfeather glanced back one last time at Brambleclaw who was still looking at him as if he was caught up between telling him something. Shaking his head Crowfeather followed his clan mates, but the look Brambleclaw gave him hung about in his mind. All the way home he pondered what Brambleclaw could've meant by his guarded answers.


	21. Chapter 21: Growing Desperate

Leafpool woke up. A paw was proding her gently in the stomach. Opening her eyes slowly she saw Brambleclaw's outline. The scent of milk was heavy in the air as she realised that Squirrelflight had two healthy kits.

"The dawn patrol has just passed. If we're to stand any chance of moving her and setting this plan up we have to move now." Brambleclaw meowed.

Leafpool was suprised to hear how intent he was on helping her to keep her place in the clan and save her kits. "Okay, you wake Squirrelflight and I'll make sure no ones coming"

"No need I'm awake but I'm not sure I'm strong enough to carry one of the kits there." Squirrelflight meowed in the dark.

"That's fine. Me and Leafpool will carry one. You make sure you keep you're strengths up. You'll have to care for more than two kits soon." Brambleclaw whispered.

Squirrelflight stood up and crawled out of the tunnel. Brambleclaw followed the Ginger tom dangling in his jaws. Leafpool bent over to pick the tabby She-kit up. Something about this kit reminded her of herself. Was it the pelt, or the strange sense she got when she was near her.

She padded out into the open. Her swollen belly hung just above the floor. Leafpool had suspected that she hadn't been caught out because Squirrelflight's stomach was also big. Now she was even more jumpy then usual and she was constantly feeling like she was being followed. Nobody could find out that she was bearing kits or the whole plan would go down the drain and Squirrelflight's and Brambleclaw's reputation in tatters for lying to Firestar. She walked as fast as she could untill she caught up with Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight.

The kit in Brambleclaw's jaws yawned and mewed. It was hungry and could scent that it's mother was close. Now they were in the daylight Leafpool could see what the kits looked like. As she had thought the tom was a dark ginger. He had one white patch on his tail and leaf green eyes. Leafpool noticed that he looked a lot like Firestar. _What if all my kits look like Crowfeather? Then the clan will suspect something. _She thought in panic.

Shaking her head she glanced down at the kit in her jaws. Her coat pattern was the same as Leafpool's only she was a dark tabby like her father instead of a light tabby. The she-kit had Amber eyes, exactly the same shade as Brambleclaws.

Soon they reached the Twoleg house. Skirting it quietly they wove through the weeds. Leafpool sliped through the gap between the mini-twoleg house and its wall with some difficulty. Her stomach scraped the edges of the door painfully but she kept going.

It was warm and sheltered inside, just as a nursery should be. _Those overturned pots in the corner would be the perfect place for me to nurse the kits _She thought _No! I can't. No matter how difficult it is I must act as though I am only their aunt._ She looked at the entrance and waited for Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw to enter.

Squirrelflight came through first and immeadiatly settled down in the pots as Leafpool would've. Leafpool placed the kit down in her mothers nest and Bramnleclaw did the same with the tom.

"Now how about you two name those kits, now you can see them!" Leafpool meowed.

Squirrelflight looked up at Brambleclaw and he nodded. "Well we always wanted, if we had a ginger cat, for him to be named like father so. He shall be Flamekit"

Leafpool nodded "He looks as if he shall be a great warrior."

"And we wanted to name this kit.." Brambleclaw nudged the tabby she-kit affectionatley "Oakkit. As soon as she was born Squirrelflight told me she wanted her named after somewhere that we used to live and her coat pattern decides it. She's names after the great oak, which is where we spent a few nights back in the old forest together"

Leafpool purred "She looks like she'll be a beauty like her mother" Leafpool saw the kit and knew that she had an important destiny. _Starclan what path have you laid out for my neice?_

After a while Leafpool stood up and meowed "I better go back to camp and get some herbs. I can tell them that you are kitting now and no-one is to come in their untill I say so. If my kits don't come soon..."

"You'll say I'm ill and they can't come in as you think it is Greencough and they could catch it. That way you'll have all the time you need for your kits to come." Squirrelflight meowed.

"Right" Leafpool nodded _but how long will she have to wait and pretend to be ill. Firestar is bound to insist on seeing her, what do i do then? _She asked herself.

She slipped out of the mini-house and started off back to camp. She decided to take the main entrance, although it was a risk that they'd notice her swollen belly she knew she couldn't climb out her secret exit in broad daylight.

She padded past Stormfur who was guarding the camp. He didn't notice he merley nodded to her and meowed "Prey is running well isn't it. For this unusally cold newleaf it seems like all the prey are having winter parties."

"Indeed it does" Taking her chance to cover herself up she added "I've been eating like a Shadowclanner I've lost my slender figure"

"I wouldn't say that you're just eating better" Stormfur meowed as Leafpool padded away flicking her tail in goodbye.

The clearing was full of life. Whitepaw and Birchpaw were playfighting in the middle of the clearing and Berrykit, Mousekit and Hazelkit were watching wide eyed and immitating their fighting moves on each other. Brackenfur had his head in the nursery obviously checking on his mate, Sorreltail and their kits. Firestar and Sandstorm were sharing tounges on the highledge. Dustpelt was organising a hunting patrol with Brook, Ashfur and Cloudtail. Daisy was keeping one eye on her kits whilst talking enthusiastically to Ferncloud. Rainwhisker was adding some freshkill to the pile and purring at how full their stomachs were now.

Leafpool skirted the playfight. She decided that she'd check on her friend, Sorreltail and see how she was doing. Her kit's would be getting big now and restless. Slipping behing Daisy and Ferncloud she caught a small snippet of their conversation. "Soon your kits will be out of the nursery, Firestar has to make them apprentices soon. But by then Squirrelflight will have had her kits." Ferncloud was meowing.

"Great Starclan, the nursery will be crowded then won't it!" Daisy exclaimed

Leafpool was supprised with how Daisy was taking to Clan traditions. Daisy, although no more than a kittypet was certainly not going to be a loose end in a fight. She had seen Cloudtail training her and she was quite fast.

"Always a good thing, more kits" Ferncloud meowed.

Leafpool entered the nursery and almost fainted from the heat. Even though it was cold outside it was like steeping into the sun itself in the nursery. When her eyes adjusted to the dim light she padded heavily over to Sorreltail. "You all well?" Leafpool meowed licking her friends ear in greeting.

"Yes thank you Leafpool. But where were you all night. I heard rumors in the clan that... Well cats thought--" Sorreltail began and Leafpool finished her scentance for her.

"--That I'd gona back to Crowfeather. Well there's no danger of that. I chose my clan. Plus, he has Nightcloud now" The words were hard to choke out but she managed and looked up at Sorreltail.

"Oh Leafpool... You've been so distant to me, I thought." She stopped and started again "I'll never judge you, you know that. You're my best friend. I don't care if you love another cat, not matter how much you are going against the Warrior code. I'll be here for you." Sorreltail.

"Well I don't need that!" Leafpool snapped "I _have _to do what Starclan say. I'm a medicine cat, the sooner I realise I am not allowed to love, the better. I've done enough as it is"

Sorreltail looked taken aback. "I was only helping. I can understand how you're feeling"

"But you don't, that's the problem. No one does. The only one I can think of that would is Greystripe. And he's not here!" Leafpool meowed. Her anger was turning to desperation. "You're my friend Sorreltail but I can't expect you to help me all the time."

Leafpool stood up and walked away. She turned back and meowed. "I must help Squirrelflight now, she has just started her kitting and we couldn't get her back to camp. Goodbye"

Sorreltail nodded and looked away. Leafpool could just make out a look of sadness._ Why's she sad? I'm the one with the problem!_


	22. Chapter 22: Patrol Returns

As Crowfeather lead the patrol back to camp, across the windswept moors he pondered the strange behaviour of Brambleclaw that night. He could understand why Leafpool wasn't getting the herbs, she had to be with Squirrelflight. But why had he given so many guarded answers and what was in his expression when he had looked at him. Crowfeather was sure there had been sadness in his eyes, but why. He was deputy of a strong clan, he had a loving family and new kits. He had the respect of every cat in the forest and was a powerfull warrior. What more did he need?

Weaselfur was carring back the freshkill they had caught. His tail was held high as the neared the camp and he walked ahead to show off their catch. Crowfeather could see that Owlwhisker was longing to run back to camp, to get rid of any spare energy. When Crowfeather caught his eye he nodded slightly and the young warrior hurtled after Weaselfur.

Crowfeather, being the last to enter the camp hesitated for a while. A chill came over him, the sense of danger. He paced around th camp untill he was behind the medicine cat den. The ground he stood on radiated and eriee, deathly sense. Although his fur prickled like he was being watched by all the eyes in silverpelt, he couldn't scent anything. He dared not tell Onestar for two reasons, he didn't want to be thought of as a loony prophetic warriors and it felt more personal anyway.

He walked into the camp and took a glance around, at the clan. His clan, and his pride. His head held high he padded over to Onestar who was cleaning his face whilst keeping an eye on the kits playing outside the nursery.

"You've got a good litter there!" Onestar commented "They'll make fantastic warriors for the clan, but I ought to warn you I think Barkface has got his eye on Crystalkit for medicine cat apprentice. He was telling me earlier that he needed a new apprentice."

"That would be fantastic!" Crowfeather looked at Onestar "Not much to report on the border patrol side. As always Thunderclan is staying within their boundries. We caught a fair amount of fresh kill though."

"Good. I know Thunderclan always respect borders, I agree with Firestar on that point. I do feel sorry for those with Shadowclan as their neightbours though. They've been very quiet and that is not good with Shadowclan"

Crowfeather murmered and agreement and bowed his head as he turned around to join his family. He lay down next to Nightcloud who was grooming her shoulders in smooth motions.

"For premature kits they certainly are growing quickly!" Crowfeather commented

"Oh yes. I am so proud. I can see that Fogkit will be the strongest warrior here!" Nightcloud purred

Crowfeather narrowed his eyes, was she leaving out the other kits on purpose or was that how she felt? "And Smokekit will be quick! I see that Crystalkit will be caring. We certainly do have a good litter!"

Nightcloud nodded "It's late, I told them to go to bed but they wouldn't have it. They wanted to wait for you to come home."

Crowfeather padded over to where the three kits were tumbling in and out of their play fight, but the obvious dominance in the fight was Fogkit. He wiggled his tail and leapt onto Smokekit's back who twisted quickly and landing on him. Laughing he bent in and batted them away with a paw playfully. All three kits tumbled into him and hung off his ears and tail.

"Right now that I'm back you'd better go to bed." He meowed

"But..!" Smokekit began to complain

"No buts you're up much later that the other older kits!" Crowfeather pointed out

"'Spose so. That's good! We are stronger!" Fogkit meowed and launched himself through the opening of the nursery his kin follwing in pursuit. After Crowfeather had purred good night to his family he retired to the warriors den. Curling up in his nest he rested his nose in his tail fur.

The night sky above him shone as the warriors of silverpelt sparkled down, watching over the clans and keeping them safe from any danger over night.


	23. Chapter 23: The Kits

Leafpool padded out of the camp as quickly as she could. She held her head high, letting the sun warm her fur. Leaves rustled all around her and she was glad to see the greeness returning to the forest. Despite her proud posture, inside her battled a raging war of worries. Each of them were like mountains she had to climb and none were easily answered.

_If my kits don't come within the week they'll be too much of an age difference between them and Squirrelflight's, then I'll have to change the plan. I don't want to change the plan. The other way of doing it is so... Brutal for the kits. To say their mother ran away from them and I found them behind a rock!_

_What will Starclan punish the kits with for being that of, not only a medicine cat but also kits of a warrior whose not even in the same clan!_

Her conflicting emotions ran deep within her chest.

_I love my kits so much. It's hard to believe._

_Do I still love Crowfeather, after he took Nightcloud on? And with the age of her kits he must of found her either before I left him or right after, or had them very prematurely, which would mean they'd be weak!_

_I'm scared. What if something bad happens during the birth. Then everyone will find out my betrayal!_

_I'm so sad for my kits. Never to know their mother!_

But she still couldn't wait untill this was over. With every passing day it was becoming harder and harder.

Her pawsteps fell heavy on the ground. She was drawing closer and closer to the twoleg house and could see it coming into view...

Then she saw them.

"Brambleclaw! We heard the news and came to see them!" Firestar meowed heartily. "I can't believe my beautiful daughter finally had her kits!"

Brambleclaw stood infront of the door to the twoleg den trying to cover as much as he could from view. Sandstorm stepped forwards and licked his ears.

"You must be so happy!" She purred.

"Well actually I am! But you can't go in to see them!" Brambleclaw stuttered.

"Whyever not?" Firestar asked suddenly "Their my kin aswell you know, you can't hide them forever!" He joked.

"Because.. They ermm"

"Because they are very young and cannot deal with visitors at the moment. I have to give them all thorough check-ups before anyone sees them. Only the direct parents and me are allowed in at the moment." Leafpool meowed loudly stepping forwards. She nuzzled her fathers cheek and purred silently "Be patient, father"

With that she dissapeared into the den leaving Brambleclaw outside to deal with her father and mother. _Whatever would he do if he found out both his daughters bear him grandkits?_

Just as she entered the small den and her eyes met Squirrelflight and her two kits she felt a sharp pain in her stomach. She ignored it and carried on towards her sister placing the herbs down next to her.

"I brought quite alot just incase. Eat one leaf now they'll help you get stronger quicker!" Leafpool meowed, then another pain hit her.

Her sister nodded up at her and lapped up one leaf. Again another pain hit Leafpool and this time she fell to the floor.

Brambleclaws pawsteps pounded on the ground as he came closer "I thought they'd never-" He meowed "-Leafpool!?"

"The kits!" She gasped


	24. Chapter 24: Reawoken Heart

Crowfeather's dreams knotted around him, pulling him deeper into his subconsious. Like every night his dreams took him to a large expanse of water, and Feathertail. A rusty purr escaped from his throat as he raced across the swirling blue towards her. Once again he lost himself in her fur, and once again he gazed into her crystal eyes.

"Crowfeather" Her watery voice called softly

Ignoring her call he pressed his muzzle into her cheek, licking fiercly.

"Crowfeather!" Her voice changed again, it was sharp and firey.

He looked up, and the beautiful eyes he once loved were clouded with disapproval. Her fluffy tail flicked with agitation and her paws kneaded the ground uncomfortably.

Taken aback, he lifted his head high and asked "What?"

"Look over there" Feathertail pointed with her tail.

Confused he peered around her to see earthy soil spreading out in the middle of their ocean. A growl rumbled from his chest as he moved to cover Feathertail. However Feathertail moved out from behind him and stepped heavily onto the ground. Carefully, Crowfeather followed.

"I am not here to meet with you, as you wish. Rather then having been pulled here by your desires because you refuse yourself another, I have come of my own accord."

"So, Starclan want you to tell me something?" Crowfeather asked, ever so slightly leaning forwards to hear it.

"Not... Not quite. Starclan are neither against or for me coming here. They see what I'm going to show you as unimportant, it won't change anything. They're indifferen't to it." Feathertail looked sad.

Before Crowfeather could inquire any more she disappeared, and with the last flourish of her tail, whispered;

"You are forgetting what it is, to be in love."

Stunned Crowfeather stood still. _H-How? I could never forget the feelings I shared with Feathertail. How could she accuse me of such a thing! _In a last desperate attempt to call her back he yowled;

"I love you Feathertail, I always have and I always will! Come back to me!"

Then something caught his attention. A small pool of water was leaking onto the ground he stood on. It twisted and turned untill it glittered, just a few pawsteps from him. Confused, he took a small step towards it, only to stop as a movement caught the edge of his eye.

A golden coloured leaf fluttered down from above slowing slightly as it passed his face. It landed smoothly in the pool of water, hardly making a ripple. A low meow sounded at that moment, a pained cry.

_Leafpool! _Crowfeather would recognise that call anywhere. If some nasty Twoleg took him to a godforsaken corner of this land, he would race back at the sound of that voice. His heart fluttered as fear for her caught his chest. Without thinking he leapt into the pool, then everything was gone. His paws hit nothing. Slight strands of fur twisted around him, knotting him in place.

Another yowl of pain ripped through the darkness. Leafpool's cry was becoming more desperate.

"Leafpool, I'm coming!"

He struggled against the fur, but no matter how much he ripped, tore, or slashed his way through, he couldn't escape the sickening bonds that tied him in place.

Another yowl met his ears, and this time a stomach churning scent pulled at his nose.

_Blood!_

"Leafpool!" He yowled desperatley "Leafpool where are you?!"

He clawed his way and finally the fur aorund him broke, relieved he bounded forwards only to realise the different shades of fur were rising up around him. Taking shapes. A black and white, faceless shape stepped infront of him, flanked by three, smaller shapes.

"Nightcloud?" No reply came from the cat it just stood there. More shapes were rising up, Onestar's mottled pelt caught the corner of his eye and Barkface's old, greying fur was visable just nehind Nightcloud.

Another yowl ripped through, causing him to forget everything but the she-cat he wanted. The shapes dissolved and he kept running forwards, untill he felt something sloshing around his paws.

Looking down in horror he realised he was running through blood. Shaking away the fear he yowled her name "Leafpool! Leafpool!"

The horrific silence burned into his eardrums and he shuddered "Where are you?!"

The last words he heard scorched through his soul and he woke panting in the warriors den. Blackness shrouded him from the other sleeping forms, leaving him in peace to worry over the words that had hit his dream, reawakening his heart, forcing it into a beating life.

"Crowfeather, It's your fault!"


End file.
